the reality of a road trip.

A few weeks ago, I drove from Charlotte, NC to Denver, CO with one of the best people I know, Jennie. When I originally imagined myself on a road trip across America, the montage in my head was pretty glamorous. But like most things in life, expectations and reality don't usually match up. Don't get me wrong, we had a great time. But it's 24 hrs+ in the car... you're not going to like everything that happens while you're trapped in there.

EXPECTATION: 

-Cute outfits, so I would obviously look GREAT in all of the pictures we took as we crossed the country. Every day it would just be a battle about whether to Instagram a great picture of myself look trendy and fresh OR a super cool artsy wall/mural/skyline.

-Each day would feel short and exciting, it's only 8 hours a day, right?!

-Eating in some of America's best restaurants, taking beautiful Instagram pictures that no one would like but myself, Jennie, and my mom. 

-Lots and lots of singing and laughing in the car. 

-Spontaneously pulling off the beaten path to discover some new natural wonder. 

REALITY:

-Dirty clothes. Definitely no freshness in feeling or in looks. One half of the road trip team wore the same t-shirt every day (not going to say any names, but there is photographic evidence). 

-8 hours is enough to drive you CRAZY. You will decide that you hate certain states (Missouri) just because you feel like being a grouch. And your whole body is sore. The fear of blood clots is real, people. 

-We made peanut butter & banana sandwiches on the trunk of my car everyday- which we actually kind of loved.  

-Yes to the laughing and the singing (mostly Sam Smith). But also Yes to crying as you listen to audiobooks that you won't finish. 

-There is no such thing as spontaneity on I-70 in Kansas. The end.

PB&B, how I love thee

Brewster, KS- Just imagine a tumbleweed rolling across her feet.

SOME GREAT THINGS THAT DID HAPPEN:

BurgerUp- Take me back, please.

Songwriter Night at Bluebird Cafe...

...followed by standing on a bridge to watch a One Direction concert for free. High or Low? Still can't decide. 

Kansas City, MO is beautiful!

Even now, looking back at that crazy week in the car and in random cities across the US, we made some pretty good memories. Especially in Tennessee, because the momentum was full force. We were exhausted when we arrived in St. Louis, so by the time we got to Denver everything felt a little bit strange. I think we are only starting to get over the feeling that we should be loading my Honda back up and heading back towards the East Coast. I think as time goes on, Jennie and I will appreciate even more the ridiculous things that happened in those 5 days. 

Jennie practicing her method art in Kansas City. 

The West is beautiful. The Rocky Mountains seem to randomly jump out at you at the right time when you start to get frustrated on the interstate or you will catch a glorious peek of them through the skyscrapers downtown. I haven't had time to fully explore all CO has to offer yet, but I am looking forward to that surreal feeling of peace you get when you're surrounded by the mountains and nothing else. We went to Red Rocks and I remembered how much bigger the world is than the one I've tried to create for myself. I'm still getting used to being 1,252 miles from an ocean, but that is a whole other issue.

Red Rocks Park, Golden, CO

Right now, the plan is to be here until Christmas while I intern at Denver Rescue Mission. I love my internship with Champa House and the wonderful, beautiful women and children that I get to be with everyday. My summer in Chicago last year was a great introduction into Urban Ministry and after that glorious summer, I wanted to see what it would look like to be involved in this kind of ministry long term. I am so grateful for this time to learn and grow and better understand the passions/gifts/dreams that the Lord has instilled in me so that I can fully serve others. It's been an interesting journey to see how you have almost a new lens once you graduate. Like you can see how part of your dreams were being lived out in the past four years and now the struggle is bringing them to a graduated world. I don't how to use those dreams- the ones that involve community, discipleship, and creativity- will look like come December but all that matters is that I am faithful to where he has me now.

God is accomplishing a thousand tiny purposes at any given moment around us. There is only so much we can know, but we can leave the stuff we can't know to God and believe he has it all worked out. It may feel quiet, and we possibly even feel forgotten, but God is moving to work out his plans all around us.

-Jennie Allen, Restless 

leaving // finding home

four years ago, i left huntersville for boone, nc.

i remember thinking, "why would i leave home? this place is nice and won't my family be sad with me gone? why am i doing this to myself?!" i knew i was only moving a couple hours away, but it seemed like such a bad idea. and unc charlotte, the university in commuting distance, was starting to seem like a really good idea. i had been dreaming so long of a new adventure, but i was antsy when the time came to take that big step in the direction of the unfamiliar.

despite my anxiety, i drove up the mountain and began to create my new space. i put pictures up on the wall of my friends and family in an effort to make my cinder block dorm room feel like it was where i was supposed to be. i unpacked my new ikea purchases as my new roommate, almost a stranger, and i stayed quiet while our parents made boisterous small talk.

one month after arrival, i drove back to huntersville, with my new roommate/best friend in tow, to escape dorm life. i returned regularly to drive home, counting out the weekends between visits- almost testing myself to see how long i could go.

but somewhere over the past few years, i stopped having to test myself and i stopped counting weekends. i also stopped calling huntersville home. it was technically my hometown, where i grew up, where my family lived, but i stopped identifying myself as a huntersville resident. in so many more ways, boone was where i was growing and where a new type of family was forming.

at some point, home became a third floor square apartment, with a shower that never drained, a ridiculous amount of smoke alarms that went off when you boiled water, and walls that shook when the wind blew in the winter.

it was where i was being nourished, loved, accepted. where we laughed, argued, worked, feasted.

i drove away from boone last week. i sobbed as i said goodbye to my roommates and as i left the town that had been exactly what i needed these past four years. jennie and i caravanned down the mountain and pulled over as dusk was beginning to settle over the blue ridge. the trees were a million shades of spring green and the mountains stretched endlessly toward the moon.

i expressed how frustrated i was that we had to leave the beautiful mountains, the perfect restaurants, and the best friends. it wasn't fair and i probably would never be happy again. (dramatic, i know.)

jennie, always able to look past my ridiculous ability to ignore any positivity when life seems bleak, reminded me that i would find somewhere new to love. with new restaurants that fit every craving, new sights to claim as my own, and new friendships that would carry me through the next phase of life.

i have to remind myself that all new things are daunting and scary and home will always seem like the nice choice before a big change. and i don't know what that next change will be, but i know that God rewards our blind trust. when we think that life can't be better than what we already have, he likes to remind us how little we have seen and how little we know. he is bigger. he is the god of our dreams. he designed us individually to be excited by certain places or connected to new people. my life doesn't have to look like anyone else's because he has made me unlike anyone else in order to fufill some unique purpose that will hopefully reflect a part of his beating heart.

four years ago i left home and, without realizing it, found home somewhere else. i'll move somewhere new and put up pictures, different ones than i had four years ago, and be patient while i wait to find home again.

four vanilla cupcakes with cookie butter frosting.

There are some days when I have the urge to bake just so I can feel productive. Making something from scratch always gives me a sense of accomplishment when I have been just a little too lazy.

Wednesday I decided to make cupcakes for my roomies because they deserved a little treat for just being so great all the time. And I wanted to use my cute floral cupcake holders. I was nervous about using almond milk in the cupcakes, but they turned out GREAT! The consistency was fluffy, but somehow still dense? Don't ask me how that happens.

vanilla cupcakes
makes 4

4 egg whites
4 tbsp butter, melted
4 tbsp sugar
1 3/4 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
pinch of salt
3 tbsp almond milk (I used Trader Joe's Original)

Preheat oven to 350 F.

1. Whisk together the eggs and sugar until it has a smooth consistency.
2. Add in vanilla and butter. I kept whisking away but there was still some butter clumps. Mine still turned out great!
3. Add your dry ingredients.
4. Once mixed, add in the milk.
5. Pour your batter into your cute liners (they really do get you excited about baking!)

Bake for 10-15 minutes. Mine took longer than I thought they would, but I would just wait until a toothpick (or if you are a college student who owns nothing, a knife) came out clean.

While your cupcakes are cooling off, prepare your frosting! Luckily my roommate let me use a little bit of her milk!

1/2 cup butter
1 cup powdered sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 tbsp milk
1 tbsp cookie butter

Combine all the ingredients, except the cookie butter, and beat with a mixer on low. Once mixed, beat everything on high. Once your frosting is smooth, add in your cookie butter! I'm sure you could even try peanut butter, nutella, or teaspoon of your favorite jam! The frosting is very thick and basic, so feel free to play around with it!

Put your creamy CREAMY frosting in a ziploc bag, cut the corner, and swirl away!

REMEMBER TO SPRINKLE IT WITH SEA SALT. I'M NOT KIDDING. IT MAKES IT!

Who wouldn't want to make these sweet faces things all the time?
Wow. Now I know why everyone says I'm "The Mom."